Trapped in the Shadows
by shadeflower927
Summary: Which comes first, your Clan or your kin? How far would you go to be loved? For Reminiscent Lullaby's contest
1. The Plan

**AN: Sootstripe is the other candidate for deputy.**

I trudge through the dense forest, mud chilling my paws. The moon, though it is full, casts only a faint shimmer of light, and I can barely see two tail-lengths in front of me. I sniff the air, trying to find my way by scent, but the smell of pine sap clouds my nostrils. Eventually I step into a large clearing draped in shadows.

"Nightwing?" I call. "Nightwing, are you there?"

A rustle in the distance is the only reply.

Suddenly, I hear pawsteps. Loud ones. They come closer and closer and I shudder, prepared to be eaten by a badger. A black shape darts out in front of me. Its amber eyes glow in the murky darkness.

"Nightwing!" I screech, but feel relieved at the same time. "You scared me!"

"Come on!" she meows, rolling her eyes. "I can't believe Wolfstar even made you a warrior. You're so ridiculous!"

"So, why did you want me to come out here anyway?" I mew quickly, eager to change the topic. She is normally like that; she seems to enjoy teasing me.

"Glad we can finally get down to business," she purrs coldly. "Here's the deal: Wolfstar is old. He's a weak ruler. And we both know who should be the next leader."

"Amberstorm?" I guess.

"No, you fool," she snarls. "Me."

"Can't you picture it?" Nightwing continues, her voice cold but smooth as silk. "You will help me take over. Sootstripe has a tragic accident, Amberstorm disappears, and I become the deputy. Then Wolfstar is murdered by a rogue." Here she pauses and begins to smile. "And you. This plan will fail without you. I need you, Shadeflower, and you alone. You will be my deputy as a reward for your hard work. Everyone will love you, Shadeflower. Our mother would be so proud."

I whimper at the word mother. Does she really have to bring that up? I can't help but remember…

...

_"Mommy!" I shout, pinning down Night. "Look, Mommy! I beat Night at play fighting!" _

_ I looked around the clearing. "Daddy, where's Mommy?" I ask._

_ "Mommy… left," he meows softly._

_ "What do you mean?" I mew quizzically, tilting my head. "Did she go hunting?"_

_ He shakes his head. "I'm sorry, Shade. Mommy isn't coming back."_

…..

_"Here," my father, Smoke, meows. "A group of cats live somewhere in those pine trees. I'm sure they'd let you join them. You're both strong fighters and good hunters. And you're about six moons too, and that's when they start training their kits."_

_ "How do you know so much about these cats?" Night asks._

_ "I was once one of them."_

…..

_ I sit alone in the ShadowClan camp, picking at the damp ground. None of the other apprentices talk to me. They always talk about me behind my back; about how my parents were rogues, how I should be forced to leave the Clan. Sootpaw is especially mean and always calls me names. The only apprentice who is ever nice to me is Honeypaw, and only when no one is looking. I wonder if they think I'm not good enough, like Mom did._

_ Lately, even Nightpaw is being mean to me. She always yells at me for being too slow or too clumsy or too weak. I think she's still angry because of Mom, but it doesn't make it hurt any less._

_ I make a promise to myself then. I promise myself that if I get better at everything and become the best warrior, then everyone will finally notice me and love me. And then maybe the pain on the inside will start to go away._

…_.._

_ "Shadeflower! Nightwing! Shadeflower! Nightwing!" the Clan chants._

_ I hold my head high, even though the cheers for Nightwing are much louder. I don't care. I'll show them how good I really am. Then they will love me._

_ I remember the promise I made moons ago. _I'm almost there, _I think. But why hasn't the pain gone away?_

…..

"Are you alright?" Nightwing asks, and I'm back in the clearing, curled up on the ground, gasping.

"Yeah," I mutter, getting up and giving my fur a few licks, partially due to embarrassment, partially due to the fact that it just rained and my dark gray fur is now very brown.

"Good," she meows. "It would be a shame if you weren't. Then my perfect plan would fail. Will you help me?"

Her words run through my mind. _I need you. You will be my deputy. Everyone will love you._

My promise goes through my head as well. _One day I'll be such a great warrior that everyone will love me._

If I do what she wants, maybe she will love me.

"Of course," I say. "When do we begin?"


	2. Preparation

**AN: R&R please!  
**

I curl up in my nest, yawning. I'm anxious to fall asleep. It's been a long day and I'm exhausted. Also, Nightwing said she is going to train me tonight, so I'll need all the sleep I can get before she wakes me up. After a few minutes of tossing and turning, which kind of makes me glad I had my own nest, I fall asleep.

…..

I open my eyes and stretch. I realize something; Nightwing never trained me last night. I turn around to look for her, and I realize something else: I'm not in control of my body. I start to panic as I walk towards the Highrock. "Help me!" I want to shout, but I can't. I calm down and tell myself, _It's a dream, Shadeflower. Just a dream. It has to be. Nightwing wouldn't lie to you. Would she?_

I leap onto the Highrock and yowl. "Attention ShadowClan! I am your new leader!"

Hollyfrost pads forward. "I don't want you to be my leader."

Murmurs of agreement come from the crowd. Wildstorm steps forward as well and nods at Hollyfrost. My eyes narrow.

"Have it your way," I hiss. I tense my leg muscles and leap off the Highrock, a gray blur. I streak past the two protesters, slashing their throats as I pass by. Blood gurgles from their necks, staining the ground crimson. The rest of the Clan slowly inches away from the bodies with disbelief. I jump back on the Highrock, filled with horror at what I had done. Who had I become?

"Anyone else?" I hear myself snarl, and then everything goes black. It's over. Oh, thank StarClan! It's finally over! But I am left filled with doubt, nagging, terrible doubt. Would I ever kill my Clanmates? And not even _feel _anything? Maybe that's my problem. Maybe I need to stop feeling.

…..

I open my eyes again, hoping to see the ShadowClan camp. My heart sinks when I find myself in a place I don't recognize. The ground is marshy and I wrinkle my nose at the smell. The trees somehow look scary and depressing at the same time, and cast shadows everywhere. Something about this forest doesn't seem right, and it puts me on edge.

Suddenly Nightwing pops out from behind a tree. "You finally came," she meowed coolly. "I was beginning to get worried."

"What is this place?" I ask.

"The Dark Forest," my sister replies. Noticing the confused look on my face, she continues. "It's where evil cats go when they die. And no, you aren't dead."

I let out a sigh of relief. "So this is where we'll be training?"

Nightwing nods. "Let's begin."

She leaps at me. Unprepared, I topple to the ground and am immediately pinned. I struggle to throw her off of me, but she won't budge. She begins to slash at my stomach. I cry out in pain.

"Come on!" Nightwing hisses. "If you give up that easily, you'll be no use to anyone! Let your anger, your hatred fuel you!"

I remember my mother leaving, my Clanmates despising me, and all of my failures. The anger builds inside of me and eventually I am not Shadeflower, I am merely a channel for the roaring, raging flood of hatred.

I look up at Nightwing. _She ignored you. She betrayed you, _I think. Suddenly she is off of me, thrown to the other side of the clearing and I am the one on top, the one mercilessly slashing.

"Stop," she whispers, her voice hoarse. "Stop!" my sister shouts, and I finally come out of my trance. I stare at my paws. They are covered in blood. My sister's blood.

"Oh my StarClan," I manage. I almost vomit. Why does the forest look like it's spinning? I collapse onto my side.

"I'm so sorry," I meow quietly.

"Sorry? Why?" Nightwing blinks at me. "That was great. I never knew you could fight that well. Fox dung, I have to go on the dawn patrol. Bye."

With that, she disappears. I begin to lick my paws clean. The taste of the blood sickens me. _How could she say that was _good_?_ I wonder. _Well, I guess it is. It will help me execute the plan. It will help me be loved. _

…..

A week after I started training, I have to go on the dawn patrol. That normally wouldn't bother me, but I have to go with the most annoying and full-of-himself cat ever: Sootstripe.

…..

We leave camp, and as soon as we do, he starts bossing everyone around.

"Wildstorm and Cloverstripe, go patrol the RiverClan border. I guess I'll have to take Shadeflower to patrol the ThunderClan border. Maybe she should just stay here, she'd just get in the way," he snarls.

Wildstorm just nods and leaves with Cloverstripe. Sootstripe and I keep walking.

A short while later, when we are a few fox-lengths away from the border, Sootstripe shoves me to the ground. "Oops," he smirks.

My vision goes red as fury surges through me. I leap at him and pin him to the ground. I slash him for a few heartbeats before he manages to get a blow in. When he does, I fall back, dizzy.

"Sorry," I whisper, breathing heavily. "I don't know what came over me…"

"I think we should just go back to camp," Sootstripe wheezes, shocked.

"That sounds like a good idea."

…..

I stand in the shadowy forest once more.

"Today we're going to practice tracking," Nightwing announces. "What's the best way to hide your scent?"

"Water?" I guess.

"Mud, actually," she meows. "Water hides your scent, but mud also disguises your coloration. Cover yourself in mud."

I roll on the ground and coat my fur in muck.

"Now I'm going to go hide in the forest. Your job is to track me through the forest without me noticing," she explains. "Alright?"

I nod and she walks off into the forest. I quietly pad after her.

I follow her all the way to a sluggish, muddy river and jump out from behind her. She seems genuinely surprised.

"Good job," Nightwing meowed grudgingly.

"Thanks," I purred. That, for her, was like cheering and purring for anyone else.

…..

Nightwing picked at the ground nervously with her claws. "I think you're ready."


	3. Murderer

The shadows of pine trees draped the clearing in darkness. The boggy ground squelched under my paws as I crept toward the ravine. My prey sat just by the edge. One touch and it would be done.

I closed the remaining distance with a leap and came at him from behind. He didn't even have time to scream before he hit the rocks below. The stream ran red with his blood.

...

Shadeflower barreled into camp, panting. Her eyes were wild with terror.

"It's Sootstripe," she whispered. "He's dead."

The Clan murmured in confusion, and Wolfstar stepped forward. "How did this happen?"

"I went hunting and I passed him sitting by the ravine. Later, I was tracking a frog and I heard something fall in. I ran over and the stream was red. He must have lost his footing... His body was floating, it was mangled but I could still see his gray fur..." she whimpered, shuddering at the memory.

...

In StarClan, an orange tom sat next to a gray tabby tom.

"I'm telling you Firestar, someone pushed me. I didn't just fall," the gray tom meowed.

"Who could have, though?" he wondered, and started pacing. "Did you ever see the cat?"

Sootstripe shook his head. "No, and I didn't smell them either. It seems like they were trained for this, and used to do someone else's dirty work."

He had no idea how close he was to the truth.

...

"Tonight we will sit vigil for Sootstripe," Wolfstar announced, standing over his body. "He was a strong and noble young warrior, and we mourn his tragic passing."

A large portion of the Clan sat at the vigil. Many went up to his body to pay their respects to him, including Shadeflower. Luckily, no one else heard what she whispered in his ear.

"I'm sorry."

...

The orange tom sat with a blue-gray she-cat now.

"It's been a week and we still have no clues!" Firestar growled, lashing his tail. "What are we supposed to do, Bluestar?"

The she-cat rolled her eyes. "Be patient, Firestar. We'll just have to wait until they strike again."

...

It felt so good to be out in the woods again, tracking in the shadows. This time I was allowed to have a bit more fun. I hid behind trees and it was easy to stay just out of sight. It really was a shame that I didn't get a more challenging target.

I finally got bored of this and got close enough to finish the job. I hopped on to her back and slashed over and over. I felt a purr rising in my throat. I eventually became annoyed by her struggles (ha! As if she could ever defeat me!) and sunk my teeth into her throat.

"I hope you remember every way you hurt me," I meowed casually, walking away. "This is how it feels."

...

Wolfstar sighed, looking down at the body of his deputy. The grooming of her fur couldn't hide the huge slices covering her back, and the herbs couldn't mask the scent of death. What had she done to deserve this?

...

I pouted. I had been informed of the final stage of the plan, but it was so _boring_. More stalking through the woods and pouncing. It needed to be more dramatic. Whatever; if I didn't do it her way, I wouldn't get a reward.

...

Wolfstar stood on the Highrock. "I say these words before the body of Amberstorm, so her spirit may hear and approve my choice. Nightwing will be the new deputy of ShadowClan."

All of the pieces were falling into place.

...

I followed Wolfstar out on one of his night hunts. He was dead by morning.

...

Nightstar stood on the Highrock. She had just received her nine lives. She began the ceremony.

"My deputy will be..." I shook with anticipation. "Honeylight."

With one word, my world fell to pieces. My own sister had lied to me. I had no one left, nothing to live for. Without a second thought, I charged.

My vision was red. "You lied to me," I hissed.

She looked at me doubtfully. "I'm a leader. You can't challenge me."

"Oh yes I can." I ran at her and began slashing her.

She shoves me away. "You can't kill me. I have nine lives." Her voice is laced with doubt.

"I'll just have to take them one at a time," I smiled.

In a flash I had her pinned. "I was always the stronger one."

I sliced her stomach open and she twitched nine times and then lay still. I laughed, and her blood coated my claws, my legs, my entire body.

I kept laughing, and I went through the crowd, attacking cats at random. Around a third of them lay dead. Something hit me in the back of the head, and my sight grew fuzzy. A golden figure stood over me.

"Honeylight...?" I managed.

"I'm sorry, but I have to do this." She sank her teeth into my throat.

...

I sat in a black void. Suddenly my mom was next to me.

"Mom!" I yowled. "I thought you left."

She shook her head. "I was a kittypet; my housefolk moved away, and they took me with them. We were all supposed to join the Clan together. Your father left them to be with me. I did manage to escape the Twolegs, but I couldn't find my way back: I died trying."

"Why are we here?" I wondered.

"I think they're deciding if we will be in StarClan or not."

"Do you think I'll make it? After what I did?" I asked uncertainly.

"I don't know," she replied, "but wherever you go, I will go with you."


End file.
